| Writings |
Rae |
Past |
Visuals |
But if your heart's not in it, for real.
Please dont try to fake what you dont feel.
If love's already gone,
Its not fair to lead me on.
Cause, i would give the whole world, for you.
Anything you'd ask of me, i'll do.
But i wont ask you to say,
I'd rather walk away.
If your heart's not in it.
like a falling star i fell for you.
i think i just did.
today was such a beautiful day.
thank you.
i really enjoyed the moments i spent wid you.
(:
i mean it;
and between now and then,
till i see you again,
i'll be loving you.
love, me.
i'm sorry.
i think i'm losing control.
immune system's down.
boo, i'm feeling kinda terrible, and sick.
and you know what?
i need my baby so much.
bohoohoo where's my honey pie?
did i mention that i love my baby
to atoms and molecules?!
yes yes, i do. (:
okay, pardon me if i'm talking rubbish.
or you dont undeerstand the above.
nevermind. (:
my head's spinning.
my heart's twitching.
raaahhh.
okay, i've gotten back most of my prelim papers.
i'm okay wid them.
except geogelective!
i got 47/50 know!
so surprised can.
but i'm not the top in the level alr.
=(
okay, enough enough.
i think olindachoo is so attentionseeking.
i happened to walk past her yesterday.
she's so LOUD.
and her actions were so attention!
fancy acting so intimately wid another girl in public.
raaaaaahhh.
being straight is not normal,
it is just common.
i purposely came back home early today!
i'll be watching message in a bottle after going offline.
its the movie adapted from the book by nicholas sparks you know!
and also because baby's out.
BOOBOOBOO!=(
and between now and then,
till i see you again.
i'll be loving you.
love, me.
the song's playing in the background,
i cant help but think of my pretty gf!
i havent seen the balls for 2days alr!
although i saw some eeyer pple today.
balls unite! - we unite for a cause
(: !!!
-
its times like this i really feel like crying.
message in a bottle has certainly gotten me in the doldrums.
i feel like a forgotten ragged doll.
TODAY TOTALLY ROCK LAH CAN!
balls just make my day?!?!
yes yes, balls unite. (((:
morning was great!
came to school and saw jeralball alr can!
pass her the damn nice drawing.
lalala~
career talks were okay.
engineering rocks lah okay.
i gave my full attention.
i cant wait to go chem engineering in SP!
after school, waited for tracyball and jeralballs' school to end.
and headed to meet ballz!
okay, we had such a fun time together.
pardon me okay.
i know i sound like a cal.
yayyxzxzxzxzx!
yayy!!
byebyexzxzxzxz.
(((: you make the world go round baby.
i was looking foward to a happy twentyfive.
apparently, i dont see it anywhere in sight.
things are getting from bad worst.
i'm so lost,
everything's so blurry.
the future's so bleak.
damn, its so freaking dark.
i wish my heart was transparent,
so that you can see its only filled wid you.
truly yours and yours alone.
the world is so unfair.
shuts, i hate it.
22nd sep is so special!
okay, and it shall remain special forever.
cos me and my GF will last forever.
(((((((:
ps. i got the prettiest gf in the world!
the turbulent night filled with torment and tears,
everythings gone now.
i love mingming.
raaaahh, i badly need her.
life's so fragile,
so are relationships.
nothing lasts forever.
people take each other for granted.
when will humans learn to treasure?
when things are gone?
life is fill of ups and downs.
in my life, it always seem to be going down.
fate brought us together.
fate changes everything,
everything changes fate.
are you the one to mend my broken heart?
my heart slipped away wid you as you left.
the inexplicable feeling tells me you're someone special.
and we wont just stop,
right here.
will i still be looking forward to a happy twentyfive?
only you can tell me that.
i wish i didnt exist.
QUAK QUAK QUAK__
leave me alone?
whats the point of saying anything now?
does it help?
i saw through everything.
being credulous is my greatest weakness.
i hate myself,
and i hate myself for believing.
can i stop being the nice person?
maybe, i should just cut myself and let myself bleed to death.
for every cut you cut, i'm gonna cut 3times more than you.
casablanca just makes me want to break down and cry.
its been so long,
so long since i broke down.
why make me break down once again?
it pains me to see you like that baby.
can you stop doing whatever you are doing now?
i want to take away yr pain.
i love you.
and i know you'll love me.
the battle's over,
she emerged the champion.
yet, it feels the exact antithesis for her.
did she really win?
ps. julianhee is on tv now! :)!!!
i would like to say,
hands off my baby pretty please.
thank you for yr understanding and cooperation.
YOU KNOW WHAT?!
ANOTHER PAPER DOWN!
yes yes, tomorrow's my last written paper, malayan history.
today's paper was modern world history,
and mao came out.
grrrrrr. like i give a damn abt the greatleapforward and the culturalrevolution like that.
all i know, mao is one ball
wid super many wifes.
stupid dickhead.
come to think if it,
rae has certainly matured.
(:
love is patient, love is kind.
everywhere's so filled wid random thoughts.
raaahhh. i certainly miss the endeared one.
I DIDNT SEE MINGMING TODAY. RAAAHHH.
okayokay, i cant wait for thursday to come.
offically the end of prelims! :D
plusplusplus someone's birthday.
and i cant wait for friday to come too!
i'll be having reunion dinner wif the darlings.
LALALA. (:
okay, i know i talk like Os are over.
dont remind me that i still have Os okay!
some people just DONT HAVE friends.
until they go to the extend of being so desperate.
and when i see yr fugly face,
i'm gonna to slap you.
rae makes the world go round.
and round and round and round. (((:
-
okay, i was trying to be nice and bring my sister to a treat down at cartel or something.
and she replied my message too late.
raaahhh, i bet she's hooked up wid her gf at school.
snogging and canoodling in the classroom!
HA! (i better not let her read this or something.)
somehow i just got the urge to eat and eat and eat.
random thoughts have taken its toll over me, like again.
yet i stand strong. (:
HAHAHA, come to think of it.
some people just make me want to laugh.
okay, there i go digressing again.
i miss so many people!
where's my novia novia,
i like so long never bitch wid her alr.
where's my mingming?
i never see her today!
i didnt see wanru and joleen today also!
RAAAAHHHH.
my friends are so crazy and creative.
kokkoktao should be patented or copyrighted.
apparently, EVERYONE'S using this name.
i'm so blessed.
(:
some desperate girls are certainly irksome.'
you should see the disgusting way how they throw themselves at people man.
i cant imagine how thick their skins are.
1 metre thick?
i doubt, and i bet its much thicker than that.
i'm so proud they're not from my school.
yes, such girls ought to be shot.
the world is fake.
everything's a bluff.
it pains, it hurts.
yet there's nothing she could do,
nothing she could say.
but just understand.
perhaps it would make the situation easier,
perhaps she would be loved more.
she would be loved,
yes she will be loved.
you're her knight in shining armour.
but where are you?
yesterday was mole day.
i took marker and starting drawing everyone's mole.
i added a dot and a smile.
(and the mole is one eye lah!)
tje best i drew was on novia.(:
she has one mole on her neck.
and i happily drew a smiley face there!
its so cute okay!
qian and her two friends, tracy and jeralyn were also my victims.
ONLY LEFT AW MINGMING OKAY,
I'M AIMING TO DRAW FOR THE MOLE ON HER FACE.
sometimes, she has so much random thoughts.
she feels so insecure,
but all she could do was to believe. . .
in you.
the ragged doll?
-
neglected, kicked aside.
yes, the ragged doll.
that nobody ever wants.
okay, since my dear cheryl says that my blog entries are to chim to decipher,
i shall blog in a simpler way today.
i'm up so early in the morning,
ya ya i got no school, i know.
i woke up attempting to finish my geog on tourism in malaysia.
but i dont know why i ended up sitting in front of the comp typing some rubbish.
yes, and i'll be heading to the airport to be a chaomugger later.
i'm going chao mugging for the whole day.
I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING ABT MY PYHSICS TOMORROW!
raaahhhh, this is so not me.
back to my random thoughts.
okay okay, i know i'm sad.
you know i'm sad.
enough alr.
i see a light at the end of the tunnel,
yes i see it.
but is it the headlights of some coming train to crash me down?
hope is for the hopeless.
nonetheless, i'm filled wid so much hopes in me.
and as things narrow to a clear view,
it seems that such hopes are dashed.
just like how my heart is being ripped into many pieces.
bruised and battered by yr words,
dazed and shattered now it hurts.
why is it that everytime i've decided on something,
things seem to become better,
making moving on so difficult?
why cant i turn back time?
why cant you turn back time?
tell me that you're real.
show me that you're real.
period.
my life is brillant.
(:
qian is beautiful.
another paper down!
and the best thing is,
i got no school tomorrow can.
cos i got no paper.
(:
okay, but amaths paper was damn bad.
i heard that this is supposed to be the easier of the two papers.
great great great.
blame it on myself lah.
yesterday go home use comp so much.
then later at night become sick.
i like slept at 730 can!
11 full hours, and i didnt practise maths.
LOOK HOW NOW.
i think i better buck up.
amaths paper today was such a wakeup call.
what a slap on the face man.
next papers are physics and geog.
BOOHOOHHOOO.
ps. ss yesterday was equally screwed.=(
things seem to be going right.
i want food.
RAAAHHHH.
some pple just irks me?!
and turns me off.
hypocrite, thanks huh.
and some pple!
are just so irritating.
okay, i feel mean.
but look at yrself into the mirror please.
okay, and i'm so disappointed by some pple.
i'm speechless.
you're such a disappointment
=(
AND!
i just love some people. YOU YOU YOU.
(((:
let me slip away___
-
the voice in my head screaming.
did i make the wrong decision?
yes, pleasantly surprising.
i cant help my smile.
(:
i bought ralph lauren cool!
the smell damn sweet can.
i still miss CKbe.
i miss your scent.
i had meatballs from ikea for lunch.
and dinner at crystal jade.
HOW GREAT LIFE IS!
i think i live to eat.
hoho, thats so rubbish.
i'm so fat alr.
prelims resume tomorrow.
boohhoohhooo.
tell you the truth,
i still havent got a single thing abt ss in my head!
and tmr i'm having my ss paper.
have been slacking for the past two days can.
feeling so guilty.
i seriously think our batch is cedar's worst lah!
stupid, lazy and cant be bothered.
okay, apparently i'm in high spirits now.
hold me close dont ever let me go.
more than words is i ever needed you to show.
than you wouldnt have to say that you love me,
because i already know.
(((:
okay, the day has been so freaking lethargic!
damn i was supposed to wake up at six in the morning.
i have history remedial in the morning you see.
and my stupid fone was ringing at six.
too tired to wake up lah,
i set the alarm to ring at 630.
and at 630, i couldnt be bothered.
i continued sleeping.
raaahh. i had to drag myself out of bed by seven.
i thought ms lizah would be late.
but to my astonishment, she wasnt lah!
so that makes me late.
and the remedial ended at like before 830?!
thats like damn early can.
macs for breakfast wif my crazy ones,
and proceeded to the library to mug.
novia and zq reserved seats for me!
but apparently, this pair of fugly couple took the seats without asking if they were occupied.
and so i came along,
and novia explained to me of their ignorance.
(they werent at their seats you see. i thought they were somewhere else but not anywhere nearby.)
and my reaction was certainly horrible and barbaric.
to add on to my displeasement, i showed novia and zq how i'll slap them when they come back.
wwwhhhoooaaaa. (for fun lah.)
apparently, this pair of fugly couple were SUPER nearby.
and they came and pack their stuff, and proceeded to sit at some other place.
WHAT LAH, ZQ STARTED SAYING I'M AHLIAN.
fine. digressing, zq kissed me today!
HOHOHO.
and time spent at the library,
was certainly not wasted.
for all the time was quality time spent talking nonstop wif novia and zq.
THE LOVED ONES. (:
you know, sometimes when things just dont go too well.
cry, cry everything out.
and you'll definitely feel better.
perhaps i would like to borrow some elephant glue from you guys to glue the pieces of my heart back.
anyone kind enough to do me a favour?
i'm so freaking tired.
and i havent done anything, ANYTHING for today.
slap me please!
survivor___
how can i be smiling when you're gone,
will i be strong enough to carry on.
say it isnt so,
tell me you're not leaving.
say you've changed yr mind now,
and that i'm only dreaming.
that it is not goodbye, this is starting over.
say i'm not awake.
if you wanna know, i dont wanna let go.
so say it isnt so.
tell me you're not leaving.
or should i say that i'm not the one leaving?
i want to thank baby for sharing wid me that
love is patient, love is kind.
and love bears no grudges.
its time to move on.
(plus all yr lame superman and batman jokes!)
-a walk to remember
so we stroll along together,
holding hands walking all alone.
yes, thats my walk to remember.
our walk to remember.
each step seemed so precious.
time faded as we took each step forward.
if you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
if you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way.
if you're not mine then why does yr heart return my call?
if you are not mine, will i have the strength to stand at all?
i dont wanna run away,
but i cant take it i dont understand.
if i'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that i am?
let me slip away___
and she lives everyday with fear
that one day they might find out the truth.
she's putting all hopes on luck now.
the sun was shining so brightly when she woke up today.
she smiled, she thought today was going to be a really good day.
looks like she was wrong.
it rained so heavily afterwards.
and she got a really bad shock and fright due to someone.
REALLY BAD OKAY.
it felt like the world was ending.
she hopes all will be fine.
she hates herself for thinking of you.
she wants so much to slap herself real hard.
-i'm yr angel,
aint i right?
those precious words stayed in her mind,
no matter how, iwont be able to love someone like i have loved you.
she couldnt help but smile to herself.
the future so uncertain,
yet those magic words gave her something to fall back on.
wow, words indeed had magic in them.
though, things seems to turn 360 degrees when she moodswings.
she hates herself for comtemplating to hurt her body.
she hates herself for crying over spilt milk.
she hates herself for doing whatever things she done in the past.
if only she could turn back time.
if only. . .
sometimes, she feels like she's such a burden to everyone.
why should she appoach pple when she's down.
nothing but troublesome, nothing but a burden.
a lousy piece of shit.
she shouldnt exist, really.
and the world nodds wif wholly agreement.
i'm sorry for not treasuring the life You have given me.
i'm sorry for living my life in melancholy.
i'm sorry for having the thoughts to abuse my body,
when its a temple of Yours.
the urge to turn to the blade,
she's losing control.
period, isolation.
she backs herself off from this terrible world.
is she really your rae of light?
her background seemed so dubious.
everyone's so fake.
and once again,
i uncovered another lie of yours.
thank you ya.
hfkwhfipqhkbfjYOUFUCKINGLIARsdggfkhafhioGKLFBJGouggLBknK
FUCK OFF PLEASE.
everyone's so fake.
being credulous is my greatest weakness.
i shouldnt believe in anyone.
the world rejoices for her downfall.
so much pain felt inside,
yet all she could do was to just smile at the world.
i'm tired.
leave me alone.
leave me alone okay?
just leave me alone.
i beg you to let me bleed to death.
and we took on separate paths,
but one fine day we'll cross on each other's once again.
i cried a thousand rivers.
prelims starts tomorrow.
serious studying starts today.
i'm going to be a chao mugger.
focus okay rachel, focus.
the future seems bleak.
but i see a ray of light somewhere at the end of the tunnel.
whats more to say,
i'm a RAE of light. (:
and as i walk towards the end of the tunnel,
thats when i will meet you once again.
i know i wont show it,
but deep down i feel so miserable and terrible.
hug me tight will you?
give me strength to carry on;
-i'll be waiting for that day.
-
i cant help but keep flipping my fone open.
i just love my wallpaper.
okay, manel's going to mouth those words again.
somehow i realised i can find joy in others.
i love the quality time spent wid manel today.
and the time spent wid novia and barney yesterday.
and the time spent wid the clique everyday!
(except that sometimes mingming disappears.)
and i find joy in flipping open my fone!!!
yes, today's 1st sep.
:D :D :D
6202303
forgive rae, people.
arica stole my calculator home.
its okay, i took it as i rented it to her.
fee: 50 sing dollars per second
I'M FILTY RICH CAN!
i got slapped in the face,
and now i'm a chao mugger.
raaahhh, if you dont understand, nevermind.
rae rae rae,
i'm a rae of light in people's life.
aint i right?
yes, i feel terrible inside.
but i dont want to spend all my life depressing.
i'll try the best of i can to be happy.
and you'll see the best smile ever, from me!
did anyone tell you that i got a nice smile?
HAHA. (:
RAAAHHH. BITES*
Rachel / Rae
24th nov 1989
raeraerae_@hotmail.com
|